Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Vonage Buying Back Unwanted Shares

After setting the record for coming out of the gates as the worst performing IPO ever, Vonage (VG) is now offering to buy back the shares from underwriters that consumers (who never had to put any money down) don't want.

The tactic was outlined in the Vonage prospectus. Seems ever so careful business writers missed that point when writing articles about how good or bad the deal to consumers would be. Seems the smart consumers (myself not being one) got a free ride on the Vonage IPO only needing to pay if it went up in the first month.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Pope visit Auschwitz camp again

For the first time since his Hitler Youth days Pope Benedict has visited the Auschwitz concentration camp. As he walked solemly through the former camp he fondly remembered all the good that his german people had done there with the help of the pope at the time who also did nothing to help the Jews.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Bob Dylan on Death Watch

Following recent successful films based on the lives of Johnny Cash and Ray Charles followed with the artists death shortly before public release of the movie, obituary writers world wide have stepped up their efforts in writing Bob Dylan's obituary in anticipation of his impending demise as actors are actively signing up to participate in a biopic on Bob Dylan's life.

Vonage Underwriters Abnormally Quiet

Lead underwriters of the recent Vonage IPO have been unusually quiet. Deutsche Bank, Citigroup and UBS, the lead underwriters who are normally quite quick to tout how a each offering is the first in a particular space, or largest or something else. Well come on guys, you now have an IPO with the largest ever opening drop, yet nary a press release.

Let's celebrate the issuing of Vonage (symbol VG) stock with their quasi-criminal background of its largest shareholder Jeff Citron and the lack of corporate subscribers which led to a last minute effort to push IPO shares to Vonage's customers.

Seems the underwriters of MasterCard's IPO don't have this quiet problem.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Stern has one of his Top 10 Gay Moments

Howard Stern today on his Sirius radio show had the Dixie Chicks on the air in the studio and playing live. What soured the whole experience however was Howard's complete sucking up to the Dixie Chicks and their anti-war stance. Not only gay but also lame as far as interviews go. At times it was painful to listen to.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Bird Flu Learning Season Ending

With the end of May and thus May sweeps fast approaching the end of the Bird Flu educational season is also ending, at least until the next sweeps season, unless something else more riveting, such as infant obesity trumps it.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Bush Backs Language Bill

President Bush is putting his support behind mandating English as the official language of the United States or something close to English.

Said President Bush to the press corp,
"Having to learn multiple languages is confusing, you see. It causes the mind to get confused if you know what I mean. Look at me. I can speak English and Spanish poorly, but enough to get by. Imagine if I didn't have to strain my brain with both languages. Maybe then both the Spanish and English speaking wouldn't make such fun of the way I talk or express my words you see."

Bush's expansion to English-like languages is meant to appeal to both blue and red states such as New York families living in Queens or Long Island, "wicked" New Englanders and rednecks in the south.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Getting Nowhere Faster

Texas may raise speed limits on two West Texas highways soon to 80 mph. While drawing opposition from fuel conservation outlets. A study done on the sections of highway already show the average motorist doing 79.

Advocates for the higher speeds claim safety will be improved because cars will be going uniform speeds. Also, even though Texas is less than half the size of Alaska, the higher speed limit will allow the hicks to travel between their trailer parks faster. Anti-redneck groups are behind the plan also as the higher speeds mean the chance of a fatality in an accident is that much higher.

Beer League Movie Too Raunchy?

The recently release Beer League, The Movie trailer that was released has already stirred up some controversy and has been nominated for some awards related to its nudity and obscenity. Waiting for the movie is going to be hard, watching this when your company blocks access to youtube is tougher. But for those who are fans of the Stern show and more importantly beer league hockey and softball fans will want to catch this when they can. Perhaps more later after I can actually watch the damn thing.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

New England Rain Blamed on Shortage of Mothers Day Calls

The drenching rain that is soaking many New England states has caused a controversy in Washington. The NSA which is accused of keeping records of citizens phone calls for the purpose of threats and intimidation by US mothers, is being implicated along with a group of angry mothers for causing the heavy rain in retaliation for a lack of calls home. President Bush, in an attempt to diffuse the situation is looking to harness the power of the angry mothers and get them to volunteer for border protection duty on the Mexico border.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Mothers Behind Latest NSA Leak

Reports are beginning to come out that a number of mothers are behind the leaking of the report that the NSA has a database of domestic phone calls. With the upcoming Mothers Day and the general guilt that they look to spread among the general population, they want it known that the NSA has a record of all of the calls you have (and in most cases haven't) made to your mother and they are willing to share it with your mother in case you dispute the fact.

The story has made millions of children quite concerned, but the phone companies are rejoicing at the sudden uptick of phone calls and thus revenues.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Moussaoui Unhappy Jury Was Fair

After careful review Zacarias Moussaoui is very upset he was given a fair trial when he was sentanced to life in prison. "What must one do to become a martyr?" Moussaoui asked.

Claiming he lied because he thought jurors would base his case on emotion and his lack of understanding of US law (aside from his rejecting many lawyers who were trying to defend him) Maussaoui is looking for a retrial.

New UN Human Rights Council Elections Worthy of Chicago...

Or DC where they re-elected Marion "Crack-head" Barry after being sent to prison on bribery and drug charges. The new UN Human Rights Council proudly announces that of the 44 initially elected members, only Russia, China, Cuba, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia are among the worlds worst abusers. This is a step up from the prior council where a larger percentage of members were among the worlds worst abusers. How did the UN perform this feat? By simply adding more members so the number of abusers would be proportionally lower of course.

China Driving up Prices of more than Oil

AP is reporting that Chinese and US agents siezed more than 300 pounds of cocaine smuggled from Columbia. Aside from showing that South American drug gangs are moving into Asia as a new export market, the move is also putting price pressure on more traditional drug and specifically cocaine prices in the rest of the world. "Everyone notices the rising oil prices and blames the booming Chinese economy, but there are side effects. Rising standards of living in China are creating more free money and the young often convert that to drugs. If the China drug market takes off, prices are going torise for drugs in the rest of the world too," says noted economist James Finalley of the Flatley Foundation.

Blaine Not Dead Yet

He failed to hold his breath long enough (approx 9 minutes) and otherwise seems to have suffered some permanent liver damage, but David Blaine doesn't appear to be dead yet much to the dissapointment of his detractors. Its unclear what was magic or illusion-like with his period in the water, but it did create some news for the boring magician in the New York area. Here's to hoping the next one causes more serious damage.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Kennedy in Rehab, Peter Tork a Counselor?

Unrelated, but Patrick Kennedy has just admitted himself into rehab, presumably for favorable court treatment over his wrecking his Mustang in DC last night while going to an important vote that only he was aware of.

In other news, while there are plenty of fantasy camps, started with baseball and carried over into other sports such as hockey with the recent Mark Messier Leadership Camp ( there appears to be a new one on the loose. "Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp" ( has just hung its shingle out highlighting counselors such as Peter Tork, Spencer Davis and Kip Winger. The camp to be based in NY has a battle of the bands and is sponsored by Sirius, Gibson and VH-1 Classic. From the page its hard to understand how Dr. John and Levon Helm and others which are in the ads will fit into the mix.

Maybe the two subjects are related. If there are any two groups familiar with the abuses of alcohol and drugs, its rock-n-rollers and the Kennedys.

Fat Guy, Little Scooter

James Gandolfini took a page from Blues Traveler front-man John Popper by slamming his scooter into a car (a taxi this time). Gandolfini walked away relatively uninjured, unlike Popper who required extensive surgery and was bound to a wheelchair for some time. James had his scooter picked up for repair. What happened to the days of big actors and musicians riding big bikes? Do they somehow think they look cool when they outweigh the bike?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Spears Hires New Nanny

After their kid recently fell from a "defective" high-chair, Britney Spears has hired a new nanny. However, this one isn't for the infant, its for her baby's daddy, celebrity leech, Kevin Federline. The move comes after Spears has decided she has no desire to accompany K-Fed on all his club dates and one of her bodyguards, a former CIA man, recently quit over K-Fed's behavior. Britney made a deal with Richard, her CIA man, that he'd watch her and she'd get someone to babysit the K-Fed. Obviously there is a lot of trust built up in this relationship, it should only be a matter of time before they start hanging out with the Sambora's and former Sheen's.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Cruise Claims Placenta Story Ridiculous

Calling claims that he ate or would eat the placenta of his newborn child, Suri, ridiculous. Tom Cruise is on the warpath again while promoting his latest movie, Mission Impossible 3.

"The claims are that I'd eat the placenta raw right after it left the silent womb. I'm not an animal. In Scientology they teach us to lightly braise the placenta and then serve it with a red sauce. Also to let it age a little bit." Cruise said.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I Work Hard at Being Hot

"I have to work out to be as hot as I am. It's difficult for me, and I want girls to know that." -- GWEN STEFANI was quoted in Rolling Stone magazine.

Artie Lange of the Howard Stern show replied, "I too have to work out to be as hot as I am, you don't get a body like this naturally. I break a sweat just going between the studio and the bathroom. "