Bush Backs Language Bill

President Bush is putting his support behind mandating English as the official language of the United States or something close to English.

Said President Bush to the press corp,
"Having to learn multiple languages is confusing, you see. It causes the mind to get confused if you know what I mean. Look at me. I can speak English and Spanish poorly, but enough to get by. Imagine if I didn't have to strain my brain with both languages. Maybe then both the Spanish and English speaking wouldn't make such fun of the way I talk or express my words you see."

Bush's expansion to English-like languages is meant to appeal to both blue and red states such as New York families living in Queens or Long Island, "wicked" New Englanders and rednecks in the south.