Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Breakup

Well, you knew it was coming. Jess and Nick have officially separated. Each has released statements on behalf of the breakup.

Excerpts from Jessica's statement:
"Nick and I have decided to part ways. As part of the separation agreement Nick's last name will now be pronounced "Latch-ee" not that fake sounding French thing. Enough is enough, no one was buying his sophisticated image or his records. Its time the world see him for the white-trash hanger-on that he is. Make no mistake, there are plenty more chicken in the sea, and if you knew Nick like I did you'd know what I'm talking about".

From Nick's statement:
"Nick and Jessica are very sad to announce their separation. This comes as a big personal and financial blow to Mr. Lachey and he will not be making any further statements. He loved and loves Jessica very much, but her skyrocketing career and his languishing one put a serious strain on the relationship."

Unmentioned in the statements is that no one cared for further statements from Mr. Lachey.

In related news, Nick Lachey reportedly has been repeatedly mailing Michael Jackson and Angelina Jolie in hopes one of them will adopt him and/or make him relevant again.