Senate Door Locks Changed

After an "affront to the leadership" of the institution, the Republican majority called in Paul's Locks and Bolts to immediately have the locks on the Senate chamber doors changed. It is believed that Valerie Plame, in a last ditch effort (and her last undercover assignment) snuck into the Senate and secretly reversed all of the locks which her husband Joseph Wilson then locked while the Senate was in session.

Evidence pointed to the Democrats as having been behind the ordeal, but for the first time in 30 years they managed to keep quiet. Jesse Jackson was quoted as saying in reference to Bush's most recent Supreme Court Nominee, "If we can't get Ito, we must reject Alito."

Democrats are trying to push forward an agenda that claims Republicans might plant evidence in their attempts to cover up their lack of reasons for going to war. To which Jackson in a non sequitur added, "If something is looking wacky, we must not allow Bernanke."

In other news, Jessica Simpson is rumored to be sleeping with the therapist she was rumored to be seeing to deal with the rumors about her not quite official breakup with her husband Nick Lachey.