World's Largest Aquarium Set to Open

Contrary to reports coming from Atlanta claiming that they will be opening the world's largest aquarium across from the CNN center and the Georgia dome, oceanographer are protesting. According to Penn State oceanographer Bernie Fenums, "I hate to disappoint the Georgians, but the largest aquarium is not opening in Georgia soon. The largest aquarium is the Pacific Ocean."

Not to be out done by the founder of Home Depot, Bernie Marcus, David Geffen has decided to open his property up (after a $50 admission fee per person) for visitors to gain exclusive access to the Pacific Ocean via his house. As you may remember, Mr Geffen has in the past remained steadfast in his blocking access to the ocean. Now that he's found a way to monetize the access as a sightseeing expedition he has had a change of heart.

Elsewhere in the US millions are rejoicing at the fact that rioting in France is not caused by anything America did. In France, rioting has begun to die down as town by town has surrendered unconditionally to the rioters. However, due to the rioters burning all of the cars and anything else they could get their hands on, word is spreading very slowly. Thousands are currently going town to town in a caravan of Smart Cars currently one short city block long. The French warriors are now proudly in control of one of the largest welfare states in the European Union and like their predecessors have nothing to offer. Viva la France!