Fed Pauses Rate Hikes, Gives Credit To Paris' Abstinence

The Fed Reserve chose to pause their interest rate hikes today giving credit to Paris Hilton's planned 1 year abstinence. Fed Chairman Bernake was quoted as saying, "Never before have we had such a confluence of events. The economy is slowing and there are indicators that it ties directly to Paris Hilton's sex life, particularly that which appears on video. If Paris isn't going out, getting drunk and having guys with girls' names ramming expensive cars into other expensive cars, whole sections of the economy are effected".

Bernake went on that he only hopes Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie don't make similar choices.