Thursday, November 03, 2005

Defending Foreign Detentions

President Bush made another rare prime-time speech tonight in defense of his foreign detention policy. "Who would know more about detention than me? I spent more than my fair share of time in detention when I was young, heh heh, and I know that while it may not bring you to changing your ways, it does loosen the lips if you temp the detainee."

It was rumored that Robert Novak used this technique to obtain the name of Valerie Plame from non-public information sources, not because he was a fan of detention, but because he was too lazy to look it up in the phone book like everyone else could.

"The United States is not in the business of providing free travel to misfits around the world. We're not going to give them a free vacation to the US just to hold them in a cell. We want to hold them close to home so they don't enjoy themselves too much." Mr Bush said in his speech.

Former First Lady Barbara Bush was later quoted, "These foreign detentions are working out very well for them. They get three squares a day and quite frankly the conditions are better than living in the middle of the desert."

When questioned about the detention centers that are actually in the middle of the desert, Mrs Bush's spokesman gave no comment.

In other news Michael Jackson is reportedly close to finishing work on a Katrina single. In another example of Mr. Jackson not quite getting it, the song he is working on is Katrina and the Waves' "Red Wine and Whisky" which he is rewriting to "Red Wine and Jesus Juice."


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