Saturday, October 29, 2005

Pentagon Invites UN torture investigator to Gitmo for Halloween

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has invited three UN torture investigators to Guantanamo Bay for Halloween. Rumsfeld released a statement saying, "You have the investigators you know you know and the ones you think you know, but the worst are not the ones you know you don't know but the ones you don't know you don't know."

The Defense department figures Halloween is an ideal time to showcase the detainees. The holiday offers a unique opportunity to dress up the detainees and provide fake detainees such that the investigators will have little chance identifying the difference. Pentagon spokesperson Arlene Gaffney had this to say, "We know the UN is dying to say something bad about us and probably has their report written already, if we sufficiently "Shock and Awe" them, they'll have no idea what to think and the world will just think they are taking more bribes in the Oil for Food scandal."

Professor Gene Fitzsimmons, head of Union College's war crimes department felt, "this is an unbelievable plan! Finally the Bush administration is doing something about the situation in Guantanamo Bay. Having the detainees participate in a Halloween celebration should be a real morale booster for the Bush administration.

Human Rights Now organizer Harry Sminkle also weighed in on the topic, "This is a travesty. After all of the Hurricanes and quite frankly a lot of work the past few years trying to protect human rights against the Bush administration I was hoping to finally sit back and watch Season One of Arrested Development and spend time with my family".

In should be noted that Mr. Sminkle lives with his mom and six cats.


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